A year ago for the first time, I let people hear songs that I had written and I remember feeling so free.
I remember the season of stepping into the joy to lean into something I felt was handcrafted in me from the day I was born. I was releasing songs I believed in, that I knew were not from my own doing, but rather God breathed.
Then somewhere along the way this past year, lots of other voices came in that birthed criticism, insecurity, comparison, feelings of foolishness, striving, and ultimately fear.
Last night, I opened up to a room of friends about this feeling, the feeling that I’ve lost the ability of songwriting like a child, to create freely, without a care in the world, but solely for myself, others, and God– not to prove anything to myself or other people.
And then conveniently, I saw that it’s my little music baby’s 1st birthday today, and I sat in nostalgia, remembering the way I felt 365 short days ago when I just felt like a girl who wanted to share songs that her maker poured out into her heart for His other children.
I miss her. I miss that feeling, but I have hope that God is restoring that creative freedom, that joy, and His truth. And I’m writing this down as accountability to say that I’m not going to let the enemy steal that hope or safe space from me. I refuse to let fear or comparison have the last word.
I have a hunch someone else may feel this way. If you feel you’ve lost your creative passion, joy, or freedom, press on with me. I’m praying the Lord will awaken the songs stirring in weary hearts, the words bottled up in tired minds and wandering thoughts, and the melodies that are emerging from clinging to hope.
So today as I write this, I’m celebrating this creative release, even though a lot of days, even today, I listen back and feel criticism or judgment toward my words or melodies. Today, I blasted these songs in my speaker riding down the highway and let the words that were given to me speak to me and heal me. I let myself listen to my voice and my songs to learn to love them and believe in them because I remembered the moments I received them. I believe these songs were from God, maybe for me, maybe for others, maybe for Him. All I know is that they were from Him wholeheartedly. Honestly, I would wake up in the middle of the night singing or write entire songs in the shower or on airplane rides, and they felt divinely gifted to me to steward. So today, I choose to celebrate them. I choose to celebrate the girl who sang just to sing and that God is bringing her back to life.
For some of you, this feeling may correlate with you, whether it be with music or words or painting or any part of your creativity that it seems you’ve lost. Take courage with me.
He’s bringing you back to life. He’s restoring beauty in our eyes to see the image we are made in and to believe our birthright as creators of beauty and truth.
You are worthy.
You’re not forgotten.
He’s silencing the lies
that say you must work harder
that say that you’re too much
He’s silencing the lies
And he won’t relent until He has it all.