It was a one of those sweltering August afternoons and my husband and I had been off work for the past 5 days together. The beginning of our time off was amazing and felt like a mini vacation. We slept in, cooked big breakfasts and spent the mornings reading. We’d hit the gym or go on a run together in the afternoon and then for dinner, we would go out just the two of us or go out with friends.
By the fourth day of this laid back routine, where we had both been at our home majority of the time, I began to feel a tiny bit irritable. I didn’t know why I was feeling this was\y but the irritability was directed towards him. Every little thing he did was annoying me to death and I had no idea why!
My husband is my favorite person in this world and I love to spend time with him, a lot of time, and I know he would say the same about me too. But just because we’re married doesn’t mean that we want to or need to spend every waking minute together. Whether an introvert or extrovert, we all need time to ourselves, even when and especially when you’re married.
At first, when I realized this irritability I felt towards him after spending enormous amounts of time together, I felt guilty. That’s not how you’re supposed to feel when you’re married to someone right? I thought surely you were supposed to want to spend lots of time together and that time spent together would naturally be enjoyed.
Maybe that’s the case with some, but I’m willing to bet there are couples like us who adore one another but also really love and need their time and space.
When we go on trips together, there are times where I am content to lay on the beach napping and reading. My husband will take that opportunity to walk the beach and go exploring for a few hours. I love to run in new places so often I will use my runs in the morning or afternoon when we are away on vacation to recharge, spend some time alone and then come back excited to see him and go on to the next activity together.
We recently bought a house with enough space that I have a cozy writing nook upstairs and he has his own office/man cave downstairs complete with a massive desk he built, dart board and bourbon bar. On the days we spend working from home, we usually have coffee and breakfast together in the morning and then we go to our own spaces to work. We will reconnect at some point later in the afternoon and then spend our evenings together going to dinner or cooking together. We’ve found this rhythm works really well for us. We enjoy the time we are together but we also have sufficient time to ourselves. 020
My husband is my person in every way and I love him to death but I don’t always want to spend every waking moment with him, and that’s ok.
Find your balance with your man. Maybe one of you is more extroverted maybe one of you is more introverted. Maybe you like to spend a lot of time and he’s content with just a few quality hours or vice versa. Talk about it, be honest, communicate and figure out how you both can thrive in your marriage.