Two months ago I went on vacation for my birthday. Five days in beautiful Colorado were just what my weary soul needed to regroup for this year. As my trip quickly came to a close, I found myself filled with mixed emotions about my flight back home. Outside of the amazing group of people enticing me to move halfway across the country, something in me longed for the appeal that Colorado had to offer. My first week back to Nashville was filled with restless emotions that at first glance looked like a simple urge to move states. As I dug deeper into my emotions, I realized what the big appeal of my five days in Colorado was: a fresh start.
A move on the whim appealed to me because of the newness it offered. New city, new home, new job, new friends, new church, new community – new story. But all that newness does not seem so appealing when you think about it. The daunting task of starting over is a little overwhelming for me. But as I sat in those feelings of restlessness I realized that my longing to start over was really just a longing to call it quits on the rat race I’d was on.
Little back story: I’m the only one in my family that lives out of state. Every trip home is met with pomp and circumstance that blows my mind and annoys the hell out of my sisters. I genuinely believe there’s this sense among my relatives that me moving away equates to me chasing this huge dream that will one day manifest entirely when I settle back in Georgia. The older I get, the more that dream becomes a ticking time bomb for me. The longer I’m out of college, and the longer I wait to hear back from graduate school programs the more I realize that adulthood is nothing as you envision. All of my college friends are in a season of life where everything looks mundane, and we are left to decide if it’s good enough. This reality constantly pulls on our need to fulfill dreams as well as our ability to be grateful for how many dreams have come to pass already.
When I look back over my life, I see Gods faithfulness in every dream He brought to pass. From private boarding school to college, to Nashville and even things as small as amazing friends; His faithfulness is evident in my life. So why all the doubt when it comes to the future? Why the restlessness? Why the need to make things happen on my own?
One of my favorite things about my season of life is that I’m learning to be independent. Hitting savings goals in my bank account are the highlight of my week. But in all this independence I’m gaining, I struggle with learning to still be dependent on God. The days when my autonomy from my parents becomes autonomy from God are the days I enter myself into the rat race of striving. Chasing dreams and “making things happen”are exhausting without the help of my Heavenly Father. My life has become this tightrope walk of trusting God but still chasing the dreams He has for me. Day-to-day that looks like showing up to my job, working hard and being Jesus to girls who are stressed out. Other days it looks like stepping out on faith and signing up for classes to pursue my dreams. No matter what day it is, whenever I approach my life with the mindset that “if I don’t get this done, my dreams will never happen,” I unknowingly enter myself into a race I can’t keep up in.
My favorite scripture right now is Philippians 1:6. “Being confident in this, He who began a good work in YOU is faithful to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Those little passions that sparked into a wildfire of dreams so long go; they were God breathed then, and they still are now. Whatever God had spoken into your life, no matter what it looks like, He will carry it out to full completion. The best thing we can do is take ourselves out of the rat race of trying to make things happen for ourselves and just trust God. Trust Him with your mundane job; trust Him in the thick of schooling; trust Him when you have no idea what He wants you to do with your life. Trust in Jesus – somehow trust in His strength to pull yourself out of the rat race our culture had created. Trusting in His voice and His timing makes it easy to sit seemingly idle while others pass you by in the race of life. The goal in this season of life is just to trust Him. To slow down and trust that He is working it all for our good. He is faithful to complete everything He has begun.