You know when you take good things and turn them into bad things?
We offered on a house in Nashville today. My husband, Todd, leaves for another tour in three weeks. We have decorating and packing and changing to do. I cried for an entire hour tonight, then cried more during the “Goodbye, Michael” episode of The Office (that last scene with Pam is SO GOOD).
You know those weeks that take every last ounce of energy and kindness and productivity you’ve got?⠀
I try to slow down my brain and reconnect with my heart. I tell myself that it’s a gift we can afford a home. It’s a gift that Todd has a job he loves. It’s a gift to be moving to a city we adore. It’s all a gift, and none of it is meant to rob me of joy, but anxiety comes in like a thief, sneaking “what if” into the mix— What if our house is being held together by black mold and termites and the inspection falls through? What if Todd and I never get used to a touring musician’s life? What if I can’t find a job in Nashville? What if this and that and everything else!
I wonder if fear is so ingrained in my thought life I won’t recognize it until it becomes so out of control and wild I need a full breakdown to process it. Sometimes I look at Todd and say I feel crazy. But he tells me I’m not crazy, and I’m thankful at least one of us believes the truth.
To anyone who thought, “Me too!” while reading this…. Whatever you’re feeling is okay.
If you’re overwhelmed and don’t know how to unwind, here are a few things that helped me this week:
First, I purged my schedule of every unnecessary thing. Overcommitting is the new thief of joy, so make the calls, send the texts, and reschedule for a better time. Give yourself space to breathe.
Second, I took a drive down Natchez Trace (a perfect, scenic route outside Nashville) and spent time with God. No music, no texting, no Instagram. Just stillness.
Third, I asked God to affirm in the deepest part of me that I’m not crazy. Really! Ask him to speak to you in ways you’ll understand, because I’m not, and you’re not, crazy. God doesn’t delight in watching his kids run around like overcommitted crazies, turning gifts into burdens and joy into anxiety. He wants us to have a life-giving perspective. Just ask!