I’m walking instead of waiting. It’s exhausting.

A current situation, which by the time you read this will be a recent situation that has come by and passed. A little about me is that for the past three years, I have been in Australia studying, and when I applied to move here from the UK in 2013, I needed to apply for a student visa which I’m pretty certain I received in 14 hours, and at the time I wasn’t considering staying any longer than a year. Anyway, fast forward to 2014,  I came to a quick discovery there’s a 99.9% chance I would like to do a 2nd year and 3rd year, which would require me to apply again for a two year visa. GET THIS, I totally thought I had the right expiry date in my head but when it came to it I couldn’t do an online application because my visa had been expired for five days. Shock, Horror, Cry.

Long story short, I received my second student visa, thank you for being gracious with me Australian government. *sigh of ultimate relief*

Fast forward to now, I am sitting at a computer desk in Auckland, New Zealand ‘waiting’ for another visa (I won’t bore you with the details) I say waiting with emphasis and purpose – the truth of the matter is waiting is pretty much essential in our day to day life, whether it’s waiting in a queue at the ATM (or cashpoint for our English people), waiting in peak hour traffic #theworst, or waiting for your food when you’ve just ordered at a fast food restaurant. Waiting for things is an inevitable action we face in day to day life, no one gets out of it. I think my heartfelt concern is how we wait when we are waiting, because we have to wait, so we might as well learn to wait well. (And how many times can you say wait in one sentence)

I know that numerous times when I’m waiting I don’t wait with the most gracious of attitudes – these are also my less proud moments, but extremely laughable moments as I reminisce. Let me explain in relation to this situation in NZ. In my head I have this idea that if I just read my bible everyday as soon as I get up (with no coffee, real commitment Lord) that the answer i’m waiting for will somehow miraculously come through quicker, and (this is the funniest) I refresh my emails every 30 minutes to an hour just to make sure I haven’t missed the email.

My point is I’m trying to make this situation come about in my way when really it’s out of my hands and it’s in far better hands than mine. Anyone else know what I’m talking about.

I find that majority of the time I just do not like waiting; I want to keep moving, and if I can, I’ll be running through life. I like to see my to-do list being ticked off and my weekly plans going according to plan. However recently I found myself in the amber light, and there was nothing I could do to budge it, I had zero sway with the situation, and all I could do was wait. I can openly say that I did not like this time, it wasn’t your average waiting for your takeaway on a busy Friday night or in the line at the only ATM in a 10-mile radius, although I get that waiting pain too.

I had a plan, and it was supposed to be going great but then I had to wait, a week went by then two and by this time I felt like I was going crazy. Honestly, during this period I felt like I faced every emotion. I’ve cried, I’ve begged, I’ve worried, I’ve been in fear. I’ve been anxious, I haven’t slept, I’ve lost appetite and then emotionally ate. I exhausted these feelings, I repeated some, but do you get my point. I GET IT. Waiting hurts.

We’ve clearly said something along the lines of God, there’s nothing more I can do in this situation, I trust you, God, let your will be done in my life. Then 5 minutes later, we are biting at our nails, and our thought trains are coming up with plan B’s and what if’s solutions.

How about we just pause for a second, let’s put our hammers, nails and spanners down and quit trying to fix our lives when the author of our lives doesn’t need our help just our assistance and our co-operation. Be reminded of who it is that is your Author, who has written our story book from start to finish, who has brought you this far and loved you.

Psalm 50:11 “I know every bird of the mountains, And everything that moves in the field is Mine”

Three things I needed to re-learn during this. Firstly, Stop Projecting. Just because we see nothing happening doesn’t mean that there isn’t a whole team working night shifts to answer your prayers up in heaven. God hears you. Don’t project the un-comfortability of this waiting season, on a father that adores you and people around you that love you.

Secondly, quiet the Worries. This I know all too well. Worry turns into anxiety, anxiety into stress, stress into physical impacts. Do you see this cycle, it’s a snowball effect of negativity. Your life is of more value and weight than of that called ‘Worry.’ Let us be like the Lilies of the field they never worry.

Lastly, Selah. Quiet your soul, Meditate on His word, become a prayer warrior. Let Him speak sweet calms into your world, and distinguish any worldly demands.

So honestly I’ve probably faced every emotion during my vacay here in NZ, I’ve exhausted every one of them, and I’ll probably repeat some. I’ve cried, I’ve begged, I’ve worried, I’ve been in fear. I’ve been anxious, I haven’t slept, I’ve lost appetite and then gained an appetite for two, and I could go on, but do you get my point. I GET IT. Waiting hurts. But I will praise him. Waiting hurts but let us praise Him.

Firecracker women, wait in peace.

Every day I’m inviting more peace in my waiting situation.

If I don’t sleep during the night, I will treat myself to a nap.

Every day I’m learning, and I don’t even think I’m close yet. (and that’s okay)

So let us wait together, I with you and you with me.

One day at a time, we will wait with peace until our breakthrough arrives.