Every girl needs her girls.  It’s the friends that you can call at 2 am.  The ones you can text and say ‘sorry we’re not going to make it tonight’ and they understand, no questions asked.  It’s the people that show up when your house is a wreck and your hair is three days overdue for a wash, and they don’t even notice.

Every girl needs her girls in the same way that every wife needs her people to confide in about marriage and her husband. Conflict, tension, and issues inevitably arise in relationships, and you’re going to need a team. But how do you pick who is on that team?  How do you decide in whom you will confide?  

1. If the person doesn’t know and love your husband as much as they know and love you, be cautious of what you share. 

We all need to hear truth but truth has to come within the context of trust.  Truth without trust in relationships is null.  I need to know that who I confide in loves my husband as much at they love me.  I don’t need a friend to take my side and be an ego-boosting voice telling me that I’m right. I need a friend who will cheer for my marriage as we battle through the conflicts.       

There will be tough times in marriage. Periods of seemingly endless conflict and painful growth. It is important to have people in those seasons to support, challenge and offer a good kick in the butt sometimes.  Relationships like that are imperative.  But if I cannot trust that friend to love and support my husband and my marriage as much as they love and support me, it’s not safe to confide in them.      

2. Find a mentor.

It may be a counselor, a small group leader or a woman you look up to and aspire to be like.  Find someone who is older and a few years further down the road, who isn’t involved in your daily life drama, who can see the bigger picture and doesn’t get ruffled by the little things.

Lora is a cherished friend and mentor. She and her husband of thirty years and both family and marriage counselors.  Her accumulation of wisdom and discernment has been of tremendous value as my husband and I have navigated some rough waters.  Lora knows me. She knows my husband, and she knows our hearts and intentions.  She knows who we are striving to be and the marriage we desire to create which makes her a safe place to confide and seek wisdom.

3. Choose someone who shares the same marriage values as you and your husband.

When you face a struggle, those that share your marriage values is especially important. Whoever you confide in needs to share the same values that you and your husband share, the values you began to build your marriage upon when you said ‘I do.’  Without a trusted friend or mentor who shares the same marriage values, you will be hard pressed to find the encouragement, truth, and support that you need.