This one is for all the feelers out there.
Sometimes, I am embarrassed by my emotions. I feel as if when God made me, he set the manual on my tear ducts as sixty percent higher than the rest of the world, and the delicacy of my heart adjusted to the fragile setting.
On most weeks, I cry at commercials, puppies, and guaranteed at least once at church. And to be honest, I seldom know why I cry and often feel defective because I was made too sensitive. Some days, I fear that I feel too much.
I try to mask these emotions and pretend that I don’t feel things as much as I do, because for whatever reason, we, as humans, feel some sense of shame with feeling too much, with being vulnerable and exposed.
This morning, though, I found comfort in these words from Ezekiel.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh,” declares the Lord. – Ezekiel 36:26
While I am highly sensitive, I also know what it feels like to have a heart of stone. There have been times in my life when I have been completely numb. Numb to my senses and the needs of others. There is, ironically, nothing more painful than numbness. So although my emotions sometimes feel absurd, they matter because God created me to be human, not a robot.
God did not create robots; he created emotional beings with flesh and bone, heart and spirit. Robots depend on themselves. Humans depend on their Savior, who knows first hand what it looks like to feel.
The word became flesh and dwelt among us.
Our God became human, and he is a God who knows the feeling of joy, suffering, weeping, bleeding, and smiling.
Some of my most exposed and emotional moments are the times in which I understood and wholly experienced the glory of God because my heart softened enough to break for those around me and fall at the feet of my Father.
God did not create me for logic alone. God formed me with a head and heart. In a world that chooses stability, that says I need to be sturdy and protected, I resolve to embrace my emotional self. I praise God for my tears. I praise him for my laughter, I praise him for my ‘too much,’ for my empathy, for my heart of flesh, and for my humaneness.